Back Story and New Beginnings.

I am re-posting my first post for those who are new to this blog to see where I am coming from and what I want to accomplish with this blog and weight loss.  I have found that by sharing it makes it easier and part of my problem has been and is that I feel I am alone in regards to this subject matter. 

I have also added a new part at the end since this was originally posted in 2010 and a lot changes in a few years!

So here are MY weighty Issues.

From January 2010:  

So I started this blog in 2009 to keep as a private journal in an attempt to track my feelings, thoughts and progress as I lose weight. However as I encountered my own continued frustrations with attempting to lose weight I never really felt inspiration to blog, especially when there was no positive result. I am actually a pretty introverted person and do not like opening up to too many people, especially regarding something as personal as my weight. I have always been embarrassed about it and a bit apprehensive to really talk about it. But that has all changed now! I have lost 28 pounds since last August 2009 and want to lose more by my 30th birthday on April 22. Because of this progress and the encouragement to lose more I feel now, more than ever, it is important for me to put myself out there as I attempt to lose weight.

Ever since I can remember I have struggled with my weight and have been trying to reach that point where I am both happy and healthy in regards to my weight. I have had many issues with my weight over the years and it has been a constant struggle. From lacking self-confidence because I was overweight and therefore having a lot of social awkwardness/anxiety which thus resulted in me being a loner throughout high school.  To being thrown into a very social setting and losing over 75 pounds in less than a year because I ate very little my first year in college and lost it way too quickly that I was ill-equipped mentally to handle the sudden weight loss.  To finally putting myself out there and developing the confidence in myself while also slowly putting the weight back on over many years.  To now being happy with the person I have become but extremely unhappy with my weight and ready to make a permanent and HEALTHY change. 

I have yet to find a balance with just being healthy in regards to my weight and happy with who I am. It may sound silly to people who have not had serious problems with their weight over a long period of time but it can be hard to get through the mental part of losing weight. When I had lost all my weight in college, I still unfortunately saw myself as the girl before I lost the weight. I was so use to seeing just the weight and “that” person who was overweight that I could not shake that image from my head. Looking back at pictures I realize how thin I was, but at the time I truly only saw the distorted image of a girl that I had seen my entire life.

During that time I also developed many unhealthy habits like just not eating or eating the wrong foods. As I began to find out who I was and gain more confidence through the support of my family and now husband I started feeling more comfortable in my body and with people around me and started socializing more and opening myself up to new relationships with people…however I began to feel too comfortable. I was in a great relationship with T., graduated from college, had a job, had some new friendships in my life and as a result started slacking in taking care of myself due to changes in my eating habits and limited working out.

Now, as my 30th birthday approaches I know I need to make a change for myself and focus on what is good for me and I feel that it is the best time for me to make this permanent lifestyle change. I have an amazing husband, a wonderful family, a fantastic sister, caring friends, a comfortable home, a steady job but what is missing is a positive body image. I feel as I transition into this new phase in my life, I really need to take the time to become healthy in the truest form. T & I both need to eat better and work out even if it is just a little bit every day. I don’t want to have problems that are associated with being overweight for a long period of time, I also want to be healthy when I get pregnant, and I want to be a role model for my kids in every way possible. Now by no means do I think to be a good role model means I need to be “thin”, infact that is the complete opposite of what I mean as I feel a good role model is someone is comfortable with who they are, I just feel no matter how much or how little weight I lose I want to be healthy and also feel better about myself. I feel that I need to resolve any negative issues I have with my weight & body image as I would hate to project any of that on my future children. This mental “demon” has been following me around for way too long and I need to get rid of it.

Enter…this blog.

Today April 1, 2013:

By the end of 2010 I was still working to lose weight and I had managed to lose 55lbs over the year and keep it off.  Then, January 2011 our lives would change forever when I found out I was pregnant!!  Weight loss was put on hold and just making sure I didn’t gain too much weight during the pregnancy was key.  I gained about 25lbs during my pregnancy and ate well but did have some indulgences.  Then within a couple months of having Henry most of that weight had come off without changing my diet or working out….though not exactly in all the areas I had hoped.  Hello jelly belly.

I pumped until about 7 months or so and during that time, while I was pumping, I ate what I wanted and while I didn’t lose a lot of weight I didn’t gain weight either.  Continue bad habits.  This was probably the worst thing for me, because during both the pregnancy and while pumping my eating habits changed and I got into bad habits, habits that I had tried to break previously.  All of a sudden I wanted sweets every day, which I never wanted before being pregnant.  I started snacking more.  We were eating later once Henry was born and not cooking as much and eating take-out.  I wasn’t working out at all.  And these habits that I had tried to break in 2010 slowly started coming back over the next year and half.   However, I didn’t gain much weight during the pregnancy and none while breastfeeding….so I just didn’t think about it.  I really didn’t think about much of anything that had to do with myself and how I felt.

Of course I have tons of “excuses” for not taking care of myself after Henry was born.  “I didn’t have time because Henry took up so much of my time.  T & I are on such different schedules that I am alone and can’t find time to eat healthy and workout.  We can’t afford to eat healthy.  I work during the day.  I had to pump.”  Blah blah blah….   The only real excuse is that I had a rough first year after Henry was born and didn’t focus on MYSELF at all and ignored the signs that I may have some postpartum issues.  Because of that I found comfort in food, which is the worst thing you can do.

During this time I didn’t see myself as I was and saw this other person.  I think subconsciously I sabotage my weight loss.  It is weird because even though I DO NOT want to be overweight, there is also comfort in it.  Meaning, I have been that way nearly my entire life.  I am use to seeing my body that way.  I am use to thinking how people see me and what they say about me due to being heavy.  Sure, it may be all stuff I make up in my head, but I have accepted it.  I am not use to being thin.  I am not use to seeing myself that way and whenever I do lose weight, even though I am proud of it, I am also uncomfortable in my new, slimmer body.

Today my goal is to be healthy. 

Plain and simple.

While I will track my progress, the end numbers will not be what determines success or failure.

And while Terry and I make sure Henry eats very healthfully and is active, I want my son to be healthy and active not because we make him but because he is following my husband and my lead.  I do not want to project my own body image issues on him as he gets older, nor do I want him to see me angry or avoid doing things because of the way I look. 

I want to be in pictures with my family and not avoid them because of the way I look, I want to run with him, I want to take him to a water park and not sit on the side because I am embarrassed to be seen, I want to climb on the jungle gym with him without worrying if I am too big, I just want to be happy with the way I look and not even THINK about my weight.

I want to do this for him as well as for myself.

I have my motivation and what a motivation it is!!

So lets do this thang.....again.

Are you looking to get healthy?  Please feel free to share!

I’m Back….And So Are Some of My Bad Habits

Oh hello folks! I am sorry for my disappearance, but in case you forgot me my name is Jenn and I have this here weight loss blog.


So you may be asking:
Where have you been?
Did you forget about us?
How is the diet & weight loss going?
Are you ever going to write a real post on this blog again?

And to that I say:
Around but life just got in the way.
No I did NOT forget about you, how could I!
Um….Diet?!
Of course….starting right now.


So first, my deepest apologies for being away. To recap, I kind of took a few weeks off (not intentionally, it just happened) as I had a lot going on between work, family, and friends around and to be honest I just have not been in the mood (but more on that in a later post). I have not been on a strict diet unless coldstone creamery cupcakes, red velvet birthday cake, pizza, and Chinese are currently items in the latest fad diet. Seriously are they, because I would ROCK that diet. And though I have not lost any weight, I have also only fluctuated about ½ a pound in the last 3 weeks which is exciting to me as that means any weight I did lose on the diet was infact permanent weight loss! YAY A fear of mine with these “fad” diets is that you lose a lot of weight and gain it back as soon as you are done. So no weight gain = true weight loss!

Also, even though I did indulge a bit over the last few weeks I did make sure to monitor what I ate and not go crazy with my food portions. YES, I did have birthday cake but only on a couple days the past few weeks. I invited many people over to eat all our sweets in the house so they would not be in the house to tempt me. A couple pieces over 3 weeks is most definitely OK, especially since it is not something I regularly eat. Plus, I have taken tips from my previous diet when it comes to eating out. For instance, when I would have Chinese I would order brown rice and no sauce. And when I order pizza I also order a veggie salad with no or low-fat dressing and eat all of that and then have a slice or so of pizza, which is way better than just filling up on pizza! So basically I have been trying to just incorporate small lifestyle changes into my everyday life, and it is working pretty well and will be good when it comes to maintaining my final weight loss in the future.

So now that I am back to blogging, what am I going to do with weight loss? Well for starters, back to my diet and weight loss programs. Surprisingly, the past few weeks were a nice little break but I did feel sluggish and ready to get back on some sort of schedule and program when it comes to eating and working out. For me personally, accountability is KEY. Just saying “oh I will workout sometime this week whenever I have time” does not push me to workout. I need to have a schedule and know that these are the days I will be working out, no questions and no changes. I also love having a diet to fall back on. It is much easier to know what I will be eating and in what amounts for the week instead of just playing it by ear and leaving opportunities to take the easy way out and eat a bowl of Ramen noodles instead of chicken breast and a salad. I also finding having this blog forces me to stay on track, and when I am not keeping up on my progress I can easily fall back into my bad habits.

So let’s talk about that little diet killer…our Bad Habits!

I have to say one of the hardest things about any weight loss program is falling back in to your old/bad habits. During my little diet sabbatical if I did nothing else I really wanted to continue exercising. Over the past few months I have made great progress in working out regularly and didn’t want to just throw all that progress away. But with absolutely no program and just kind of doing what I wanted it was very easy to fall back into my old habit of just coming home and watching TV instead of working out. Sure I worked out some days when I FELT LIKE IT, but it wasn’t every day. And with no real diet in place it didn’t take long before having a little snack in the evening while watching TV became a more regular occurrence. I know these bad habits, even after all my weight loss, are going to be the things I will always have to be aware of and focus on. However at this point my main focus is not just controlling these bad habits but creating NEW, healthier habits that will allow me to continue with my weight loss.


So what are you going to DO about it?!

I think when anyone has something about themselves that they want to change they first have to specifically identify those things that need changed. So the first thing I am going to do is write down all my bad habits. I will do this in my next blog post so I have time to think about not only my bad habits but how they are prohibiting me from staying on my diet and how I can change my bad habits into healthier habits. Hopefully others will participate, consider it your Healthier You Homework Assignment!

I will be posting this “homework assignment” on my next blog. But until them please tell me how YOU are all doing the past month? Any progress? Any road blocks?

I Say To My Self; “Self, Why Am I Not Seeing Results Today?!”

So here I am, nearing the end of my second week of working out every day. As I said before I DO feel better and can tell a difference starting to manifest in my body (at least I hope that is what all those aches and pains are) however, lets be honest here for a minute shall we. As positive as I am and as excited as I am to be doing this process and for the first time in many many years feeling like I will actually accomplish my goal, it doesn’t come without my fair share of frustration and moments of lacking motivation. I remain positive because for so many years I was not. I would give up easily and be mad at myself and thus resorting to my old ways. I have NO choice in my mind to remain focused and confident that this time I will do this.

But I think when you start working out there can be this unrealistic expectation that just because you feel better that means the whole process is working instantly and you should lose large amounts of weight right away. That is obviously not so much the case. I didn’t gain this weight in two weeks, 1 month, or 2 months so I am very much aware that I will not be able to LOSE all this weight in that amount of time. It is this impatience that I have had all my life. I want to see results NOW, I don’t want to spend 2 hours working out, and I don’t want to wait for this gradual change that WILL come if I just stick with this. That impatience with my body is part of the reason I am here in the first place.

Plus I am trying to do this in a healthy way so it can be a more permanent weight loss, unlike the times before when losing a dramatic amount of weight in a completely unhealthy way just led to the weight coming back on. So because of that I know this is going to take awhile. I understand that the fact that I am even working out everyday and starting to feel a difference in my energy level and body is a HUGE step and though the weight and inches may not come off as fast as I want it IS something that I should be proud of. And honestly it IS something I am proud of.

I guess what I am putting out there is in this blog I am really going to try to remain positive and encourage not just myself but others to accomplish their goals. I like to see people happy and it makes me happy when I hear that people are getting the results and motivation that they need. But I also want to be honest with this blog and don’t want to overlook the fact that I know that ALL of us are going to have days, weeks, months where we just feel discouraged because we are either not seeing results fast enough or are not seeing the results we THINK we should have. I don’t want to send out this perception that this is easy and that I am not having my own frustrations and I am just positive all the time, because that is not the case at all. During the last 6 months that I have been working to lose weight and specifically during the last two months I have felt discouraged, frustrated, have cried many times, have felt like this is unfair, felt angry, but unlike so many times before I am NOT. Ready. To. Give. Up.

In the end, I believe what will make a difference is how we look at this whole process and recognizing that even adding 5 minutes to a workout, getting through a workout a little easier then the day before, working out regularly should be considered a success and that the changes in our body will come, we just need to focus on doing the best we can today to see those changes later on. Anything I have done in the past I have worked for and this should be NO exception. I know if I am willing to truly put in the hard work I WILL see results. I just need to remain focused and stop being so damn impatient.


So here is MY motivation for today – my dear friend April.

April has also had issues with weight over the years but over the last 7 months or so she has lost over 80 pounds!!! And how did she do it, she worked out and ate better. That simple. The first month or two wasn’t at all easy. She had her own ups and downs and frustrations with working out and still today, after losing an incredible 80 pounds on her own she still has days of frustration when it comes to working out. However, she knows that she can do it because she has already proven to herself that she can. And her spirit and dedication to making herself as healthy as possible is truly inspiring to me. The last few years have not been easy for her and yet, on her own, she has managed to do an amazing thing just because she decided one day she wanted to change and has been determined ever since to do so. I love her for that and over the years she has motivated me and this is no exception to that. Hopefully her story will be a motivation to others as well.

The Reason For Starting This Blog....These Are My Weighty Issues

So I started this blog over a year ago to keep as a private journal in an attempt to track my feelings, thoughts and progress as I lose weight. However as I encountered my own continued frustrations with attempting to lose weight I never really felt inspiration to blog, especially when there was no positive result. I am actually a pretty introverted person and do not like opening up to too many people, especially regarding something as personal as my weight. I have always been embarrassed about it and a bit apprehensive to really talk about it. But that has all changed now! I have lost 28 pounds since last August and want to lose more by my 30th birthday on April 22. Because of this progress and the encouragement to lose more I feel now, more than ever, it is important for me to put myself out there as I attempt to lose weight.

Ever since I can remember I have struggled with my weight and have been trying to reach that point where I am both happy and healthy in regards to my weight. I have had many issues with my weight over the years and it has been a constant struggle. From lacking self-confidence because I was overweight and therefore having a lot of social awkwardness thus resulting in me being a loner throughout high school, to being thrown into a very social setting and losing over 75 pounds because I ate very little my first year in college and lost it way too quickly that I was ill-equipped mentally to handle the sudden weight loss, to finally putting myself out there and developing the confidence in myself while also slowly putting the weight back on over many years, to now being happy with the person I have become but extremely unhappy with my weight and ready to make a permanent and HEALTHY change.

I have yet to find a balance with just being healthy in regards to my weight and happy with who I am. It may sound silly to people who have not had serious problems with their weight over a long period of time but it can be hard to get through the mental part of losing weight. When I had lost all my weight in college, I still unfortunately saw my self as the girl before I lost the weight. I was so use to seeing just the weight and “that” person who was overweight that I could not shake that image from my head. Looking back at pictures I realize how thin I was, but at the time I truly only saw the distorted image of a girl that I had seen my entire life. During that time I also developed many unhealthy habits like just not eating or eating the wrong foods. As I began to find out who I was and gain more confidence through the support of my family and now husband I started feeling more comfortable in my body and with people around me and started socializing more and opening myself up to new relationships with people…however I began to feel too comfortable. I was in a great relationship with T., graduated from college, had a job, had some new friendships in my life and as a result started slacking in taking care of myself due to changes in my eating habits and limited working out.

Now, as my 30th birthday approaches I know I need to make a change for myself and focus on what is good for me and I feel that it is the best time for me to make this permanent lifestyle change. I have an amazing husband, a wonderful family, a fantastic sister, caring friends, a comfortable home, a steady job but what is missing is a positive body image. I feel as I transition into this new phase in my life, I really need to take the time to become healthy in the truest form. T & I both need to eat better and work out even if it is just a little bit every day. I don’t want to have problems that are associated with being overweight for a long period of time, I also want to be healthy when I get pregnant, and I want to be a role model for my kids in every way possible. Now by no means do I think to be a good role model means I need to be “thin”, infact that is the complete opposite of what I mean as I feel a good role model is someone is comfortable with who they are, I just feel no matter how much or how little weight I lose I want to be healthy and also feel better about myself. I feel that I need to resolve any negative issues I have with my weight & body as I would hate to project any of that on my future children. This mental “demon” has been following me around for way too long and I need to get rid of it.

So what is my goal? HEALTHY. (You will see this word a lot on the blog) What is healthy in regards to weight lost, I really don’t know. Maybe 10 more pounds? 30? 50? It is more about working out regularly and eating healthy. Of course I have an idea of what I would like to weigh and/or the size I would like to be however I have learned over the years as this has always been my main focus, that it is not so much about the numbers but just that feeling of being healthy and fit and for me to be proud of who I am not just on the inside but also on the outside. So since I have less than 90 days till my 30th birthday my first, of many, goals is to simply start this process now so that when I turn 30 I am well on my way of becoming a healthier Jenn.

Goal 1: Develop my healthy habits. Work out 5 days a week for at least 30-40 minutes each day. Eat smaller, healthier portions of food. (You can see my goals on the side of the blog. I will also notify you when I feel I have reached those goals.)

So what is the goal of this blog? I really want to use the blog as motivation for myself to keep going. I hope that by putting myself out there like this it will encourage me to keep going and to also track my progress (I do not want to disappoint my loyal readers by not losing weight, hehe). I also would like it to be a place for others who want to lose weight, get healthy, or just encourage others to gather and share their thoughts/progress. It matters not what your goal is, I just want to share a struggle so many of us have and use this public forum as a place to encourage everyone! I plan on putting up many questions, tips, articles, and progress reports on a daily basis to help everyone!

So lets see what happens and here's to getting healthy!!!